I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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