your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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