Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
