Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Houston, we have a blender
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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