ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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