he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
