i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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