worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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