I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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