If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
