I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
