I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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