I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
