you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
