it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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