tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
