I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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