Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
