He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
