on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize