i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
