it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
