when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
