i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
