I hate your face
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
