What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize