Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What's dad's email?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.