my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.