Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  ya dads aren't the best wingmen

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  (248): ya dads aren't the best wingmen http://tfl.nu/uy2v
  Replies (2) Good night (753) Bad night (1472)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.

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  (616): If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet. http://tfl.nu/k138
  Replies (12) Good night (885) Bad night (2108)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Succeeded.

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  (404): I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life? (503): Succeeded. http://tfl.nu/i020
  Replies (7) Good night (4575) Bad night (627)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow

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  (202): no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow http://tfl.nu/mex5
  Replies (67) Good night (8549) Bad night (2038)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.

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  (603): sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are. http://tfl.nu/wnvk
  Replies (8) Good night (972) Bad night (4270)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.

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  (703): He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days. http://tfl.nu/iucs
  Replies (16) Good night (1661) Bad night (5667)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking

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  (303): It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking http://tfl.nu/y5lt
  Replies (10) Good night (2700) Bad night (807)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.

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  (812): well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me. http://tfl.nu/v83s
  Replies (2) Good night (1185) Bad night (579)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body

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  (870): I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body http://tfl.nu/2hgi
  Replies (15) Good night (540) Bad night (2150)
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  (562): View more from California

  Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.

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  (562): Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real. http://tfl.nu/tp53
  Replies (8) Good night (1893) Bad night (966)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.

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  (570): Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear. http://tfl.nu/m0op
  Replies (14) Good night (1936) Bad night (484)
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  (650): View more from California

  Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night

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  (650): Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night http://tfl.nu/338b
  Replies (9) Good night (1492) Bad night (490)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any

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  (719): I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any http://tfl.nu/l6nw
  Replies (1) Good night (291) Bad night (598)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.

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  (541): Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways. http://tfl.nu/r7l2
  Replies (1) Good night (560) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.

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  (740): Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people. http://tfl.nu/9aw0
  Replies (6) Good night (566) Bad night (225)

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