Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.

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  (773): Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem. http://tfl.nu/9i07
  Replies (30) Good night (5214) Bad night (842)
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  (707): View more from California

  so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?

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  (707): so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before? http://tfl.nu/2y4h
  Replies (50) Good night (808) Bad night (5758)
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  (661): View more from California

  i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.

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  (661): i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally. http://tfl.nu/2rgg
  Replies (12) Good night (2610) Bad night (910)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?

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  (570): does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid? http://tfl.nu/ldlo
  Replies (28) Good night (690) Bad night (4727)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  story of my life.

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  (302): i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch. (484): story of my life. http://tfl.nu/5i11
  Replies (29) Good night (1383) Bad night (4102)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.

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  (864): so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence. http://tfl.nu/nvim
  Replies (20) Good night (7741) Bad night (1046)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.

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  (512): He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay. http://tfl.nu/se3r
  Replies (25) Good night (1824) Bad night (3232)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal

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  (281): Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal http://tfl.nu/lnon
  Replies (20) Good night (3867) Bad night (982)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day

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  (847): You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day http://tfl.nu/8r8f
  Replies (8) Good night (2143) Bad night (781)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".

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  (920): watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro". http://tfl.nu/wzks
  Replies (9) Good night (871) Bad night (1051)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.

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  (956): She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl. http://tfl.nu/od4d
  Replies (2) Good night (1664) Bad night (291)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.

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  (386): correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart. http://tfl.nu/zuch
  Replies (4) Good night (507) Bad night (257)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night

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  (717): I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night http://tfl.nu/a1cb
  Replies (1) Good night (310) Bad night (202)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me

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  (317): Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me http://tfl.nu/2azp
  Replies (1) Good night (440) Bad night (237)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies

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  (908): holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies http://tfl.nu/b1bo
  Replies (0) Good night (180) Bad night (302)

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