Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
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Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain