he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
