I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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