That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
