I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
