maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
