dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
