i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
