I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
