Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
