My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
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lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
God, I missed his penis.
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