did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
