I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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