Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
