He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she woke up with a sticky ear
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
