i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
