May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
