My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
