The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so let's talk penis.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
