I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
