man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
