yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
