i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
