I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
