Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
