I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
