just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
