I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
