I am spending my child support on dildos
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
