so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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