is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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