oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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