We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
