ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
