she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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