I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
