fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Send help, water and tortillas.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
