I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
