The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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