I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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