the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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