I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
