there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
