he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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