I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
